Inside Job

Well...I guess I can't blame anyone but myself. Maybe I should have waited to start talking about those ugly gifts. Maybe I should not have told anyone I was going out of town. Maybe I should have taken my key back from my sister's house. Maybe I should have burned all those ugly gifts when I had the chance. I arrived home from work today, thankful to see no Santa on my porch, toilet paper in my trees, or the rubber arthritic see-through hand stuck to my front door. But, as I walk inside...damn! Right there on top of my suitcase...well...you can see the pic. The first thing I thought of was...I would like a vanilla wafer. But the second thing I thought of was "those suckas done got my family involved in this racket". So I stopped by my sis and of course she "tried" to act all innocent, but the smile on her face told me otherwise. Besides, she has a key and lived 2 doors down so who else could it be? I didn't see any broken windows so I knew she either put it there or let them in. So after holding her little doggy Prissy hostage, she confessed. Revenge shall be mine and now my only, OLDER (of course...duh) sister is in the mix.

More to come from the road soon. Oh, and by the way, Masayuki is repaired (somewhat) and she is ready to roll! See ya soon!

P.S. Cat, I didn't mean any of that. Thanks for getting my mail and watering my plants. Or should I wait and thank you when I get back, just in case you water my mail and get my plants?

Masayuki loses her head **WARNING: GRAPHIC PICTURE **

So after going to the grocery, also knows as visiting "Wally World" I got the truck all washed up for the road trip. That is one of those crazy little things that I MUST do. I can't go on a road trip with a dirty truck, knowing full well that I'll be hitting some dirt roads and it will be filthy in no time. Call me crazy but it is what it is. When I got done with that, it was time to head to my sister's house for some birthday celebrations. And of course, Masayuki made an appearance and was gonna take some pics with the birthday boy and girl. BUT...I left her on the kitchen table and I went into another room then I heard those dreadful words..."oh no". I figured either she prematurely went for the cake or she was shattered to pieces. Then word reached me that she tipped over and her head fell clean off. It just rolled around the table like a marble...well a marble with an ugly hairdo. I thought it was a joke at first but as you can clearly see in the picture, it is true. At least she did not share the same fate that Mrs. Claus did at my 40th birthday party. Thanks to my great friends I received the "ugly gifts" in front of my friends and family. All I could say was "I'll have to explain this to you all". Then gravity somehow grabbed a hold of Mrs. Claus and she was history. So Santa makes his way through the world, landing on porches and hiding in closets, as the merry-go-round of ugly gift re-giving keeps on happening. At this point Masayuki will be repaired, either by crazy glue, duct tape, or both. Whatever it takes, she is coming with me on this trip, head or no head. So fear not folks, there will be updates with her travels as originally planned. That's all for now..there will be plenty more when I get on the road real soon.

A great quote I recently received via email: "Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Wow that is so, so true if you think about it.

Ups and downs

Well...today started out just fine. I woke up before 8 a.m. without an alarm and that certainly is a rarity. Had the day planned out...cut the grass, water the flowers again so they know I love 'em, run some errands, and show up at the two functions I was invited to. Well...got the front grass cut, did a lil cleaning, and took a break for lunch. Well...the lunch part wasn't bad but the "break" wound up lasting all day. I sat by the computer and that was a wrap. I figured while I was waiting for the food to cook I would do a little more planning for the road trip coming up here shortly. I don't normally do a lot of planning...just kinda go where the wind takes me...but I'm trying to cram a lot in to a few days so I'm plotting out my moves. What got me today was that some of the places I'm planning on visiting are areas I haven't been to since I was a kid. It made me think about my dad. It hit me when I was looking at the Maroon Bells area near Aspen. I was looking on Google 3-D Earth maps (man that thing is freakin crazy cool!) at the lake in front of the mountains. You can look at it from ground level, just as if you are standing there. The last time I was there was with the whole family, many years ago. Well, one thing led to another and all I kept thinking about was the great times we had on vacation. Dad and I made up our own "highway" games to pass the time...especially for the 600+ miles we always drove through Texas...each way. We would try to predict what type of car would be coming in the opposite direction on the highway. We would do that for hours. And he always kept in the game until I was the one who got tired of it...he never ended it because he knew it entertained me. I also thought back to our last trip together. In 2008 we all took two weeks and went up to Wyoming. I'm SO SO SO thankful that we were able to go. Lots of GREAT memories just like the rest. It was a far cry from our very first trip out there...1975...with 7 of us piled into a 1971 Ford LTD ex-police car. Good thing gas was cheap back then...that thing probably got about 7 miles to the gallon. I have never been the same since that first trip. The love of the mountains and the west run through my blood...and I have my dad to thank for that. With the memories of all the vacations running through my mind...nothing else got done...it's been a rough day. So...here I am...mentally exhausted. I'm going to watch some TV and try to think about something else for awhile. Goodnight world. Goodnight Dad...thank you for so many great memories...I miss and love you very much.

Masayuki joins "guys night out"

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Pic # 1 (standing) Mike, Shawn, and me (sitting) Danny, Chris (with his hand wrapped lovingly around Masayuki - keeping her safe), and Craig

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Pic#2: Our GREAT waitress Dena and our chick Masayuki.

So today started out with a trip to my old stomping grounds in Chalmette, La. I didnt venture too far in, just to the funeral home and to Discount Tire to get the tires rotated and balanced on the Avalanche for the upcoming road trip. Ate at Wendy's (spicy chicken nuggets are the BOMB) and headed back to the North Shore. All that rain we had on Sunday and Tuesday seemed to do nothing for the flowers in the garden so I watered them before they hired a lawyer and sued me for abandonment. But then again...damn...it's Friday so I guess they could use a little attention. Looks like the grass can use a cut too but that will have to wait. With the watering out the way I stopped by my Mom's to drop off some paperwork and headed to get the oil changed in the truck. Two things done before the road trip and now it's time to head over to the Beach House bar in Mandeville to get together with the guys. Of course, I HAD to bring Masayuki along for her first night out in 6 months. She's been couped up in the house so I had to get her a night on the town before she hired a lawyer and sued me for abandonment too. And what a fantastic night it was. The 6 of us went to school together...and not just high school. Throughout points in elementary, middle, and high school we were together, and now many, many years later here we are all having some beer and talking about where our lives have taken us since way back then. Band practice has given way to jobs, wives, ex-wives (not you Shawn) and grey hair (well, just me). It was an absolutely great night and I'm looking forward to the next go round (who's buyin next time?). And damn...the Beach Burger with bacon is slammin! Masayuki really didn't have much to say...could be because she spent most of the night in my camera bag. But she really did enjoy being in Chris' hand for a few minutes. Most action she has had in a long, long time (that I know of). Could be like Toy Story...when I leave for work she could be partying with the Precious Moments dolls. I did notice that some of the vodka was missing....hmmmm...

SPECIAL THANKS to Dena for taking care of us and being a great sport and letting me take a pic with her and Masayuki.

So...who knows where Masayuki will wind up next...stay tuned...

Meet Masayuki...the one-handed Japanese woman "made in China"

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Pic #1: Me (dig the long hair) and Masayuki moments after our introduction.

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Pic #2: Masayuki posing next to her half sister who goes by her Indian name "Hair that looks like a squid coming out of my head".

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For the entire picture library of her travels visit my website at www.clayisbell.smugmug.com and look for the "Where in the world is Masayuki" gallery.

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So...Christmas 2009...a time of caring and sharing. A time for celebration. A time for remembrance. A time for giving hideous and vulgar gifts. What would Christmas be like without ugly gifts? So it was then that I was introduced to Masayuki (which means "happiness" in Japanese). We had a lot of fun, especially when we hid all of the ugly gifts bestowed upon us that night in strategically placed areas around Pam's house. Some were hidden better than others and they were all eventually found...and after calling all of us some choice words the retaliation began. I arrived home after spending the New Year in Austin to find my long lost Japanese bombshell on my front porch with a note (I will keep this blog "PG" so it shall not be repeated here). As an added bonus, my rocker was removed from my porch and was in my driveway, and seated on it was the ceramic "Santa" that has been passed around quite a bit (more on him later). Alas my porcelin skinned sweetheart was home with me. So there she has sat on my dresser for months...awaiting her fate...who's house would she go to next? Of course all this time I'm plotting my next move...who gets her and how? Mr. Claus has been painted to represent Tulane University, Peyton Manning, left on lawns, in trucks, and in closets and was recently dressed in a Saints jersey with a bag on his head. So I had been cooking up some ideas (I won't share them here 'cause I still might need them) until I thought about this: I'll take her on my travels and document it. I'm preparing for a road trip and I'll have her along for the ride. Who knows where she will go or people she will meet. For that...stay tuned to this blog. For now, she has only been to Mandeville and Abita Springs (at least since I got her). I'm sure before she came to me she spent a lot of time cramped up in some shipping container on the Pacific Ocean on a Russian vessel with a French crew. At least now she has some air conditioning and doesn't have to deal with those pesky rouge waves.

So...to Lisa, Chris, Chris, Stacy, Pam, Kenny, Melissa, Anthony, John, Shawn, Rob, Tanya, Erin, Vincente, Dale, and Jen...just because Masayuki is coming with me on my travles don't even think for a minute that I don't have a replacement for her. Will Christmas come early for you? Maybe, maybe not....more to come.

If you like ghost towns as much as I do, check out the website www.rockymountainprofiles.com

Are they crazy? Am I crazy?

So this was supposed to be posted last Sunday night...however me and anything that requires a password cannot play nice lately. So...now that cooler heads have prevailed...on with the show...
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The whole house shook...my first thought was that someone ran through the fence and into the back of the house. I jumped up and soon realized it was a rumble of thunder that woke me from a deep sleep in about 2 milliseconds. Having your backyard up against a busy street with trucks that rumble down the road, you get used to hearing the rumble but not where it sounds like the windows are about to shatter. So after I got my heart out of my throat I sat down and listened to the rain and watched as the lightning flashed through the blinds. Thunder right after so it was a bit unnerving. What do I decide to do? Great day for a drive out in the country. A friend of mine told me about an area around Philadelphia, Mississippi that had a lot of old barns and houses, things I really like taking pictures of. So I figured why not, even though I knew I wouldn't take many pictures, if any today. So I gathered up my gear, set the trip odometer to 0, and set out on the road. Of course I had to stop at the gas station right up the street and get an Icee. They have the best around. I always have something to drink with me when I go on the road...whether I am thirsty or not. It's like I think I'm gonna get dehydrated or die of thirst, or just habit. Not quite sure yet. So I head out, driving up north towards Franklinton and there are not too many people out today. Gee, perhaps it could be the torrential downpour but who knows. As I am gettin into Miss. I'm seeing a couple old gas stations and mark them on the GPS to come back on a better day. All the while I'm getting my orientation right...this one is on the east side of the road so I should come back in the evening for the best light...check... As I am driving up Hwy 27 I see a group of motorcycles. About 12 in all driving down the highway in the pouring rain. Of course my first thought is "are they crazy?!!" But soon after saying "wow" a couple times (I think I may have even said it out loud) I start to think...maybe they are just doing something they love to do and who am I to think they are crazy? Just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean that someone else wouldn't. People may think I'm crazy for driving my truck in the pouring rain, listening to Armin Van Burren's "A State of Trance 2010" while getting excited about finding abandoned buildings when most of the "normal" people would not go out if they didn't have to on a day like this. So it made me think about something...who figured out that a "day" is not actually a full 24 hours long...it's 23 hours and 56 minutes? And who's idea was it to add all those minutes up and give us February 29th every 4 years? Wow. 464.9 miles later I am home. Some observations on my trip:

• I saw lots of potential photographic subjects, but I already knew the weather was not going to cooperate. One of the very few shots I took is of the lonely railroad tracks posted here. I stood in the rain a few minutes thinking about those that have travelled up and down these tracks...
• There are a lot of chicken farms in Miss. And I saw where farmers proudly display who they are affiliated with...Tyson...Sanderson Farms...etc. Then I wondered. If these competing farmers should have a dispute, do they egg each other's houses? I mean, they don't have to drive down to Winn Dixie and buy a dozen eggs like we do. They have all the ammunition in the world and it is reproduceable.
• The church building business has to be lucrative. There are churches everywhere. There were a couple spots where I could have stood in the same spot and thrown rocks and hit 3 different churches. Well, maybe thats not fair cause I can throw rocks pretty far. But anyway, you get the point. And the parking lots were all full. I could have stolen all the pink flamingos off front lawns that I wanted to and no-one would have ever known.
• Since we are talking religion, I found myself driving alongside a hazardous materials truck on I-59 heading home. I was nervous enough...then when I saw the vehicle number (for the company I suppose) on the back of the cab...it was 666. Well, with all the lightning and stuff from earlier on my mind, I gunned it. I didn't want to be anywhere around that thing. Then I thought...perhaps the place where they pump down the chemicals that keeps hell burning must be somewhere in southern Mississippi. If I had that exact location...hmmm....maybe I should have just followed him.

All in all it was a great trip. I was able to relax (which is usually the point of me getting on the road anyway) except for the whole Devil's truck thing. There were places where I crested a hill and I could see for miles around. It was really beautiful in spots. Oh, and the tip was a good one. There were some really good photo ops so I'll have to head back on a better day. Another tip I was given...don't eat at a particular chicken restaurant up there. I won't say the name of it...but the initials are KFC. She found something in her food...perhaps from a pissed off farmer?

So check out www.roadsideamerica.com. One of my favorite websites. Remember the muffler man? Find out where there are some left...fun!

So keeping up with this is a bit harder than planned

Well, as you can tell I'm not doing too well at keeping this thing going. I just knew for sure that I would be able to write something every night...even if it was just "I'm sitting around watching the pool turn greener and greener". But it just ain't happening. So...what have I been up to...not much that's for sure. I finally left the house with my camera and came back with some pictures (Yay!). I have been taking the Canon with me but just haven't seemed to find anything that peaked my interest. I'm trying to get back into it but it's still somewhat difficult. I did find a great subject along the Mandeville lakefront. Well, I have actually been looking at this place for awhile and saying "I need to bring my camera down here". All talk no action. I finally took some action and visited an old iron fence that has been in shambles since Katrina. The house is long gone, the sidewalk is cracked, the fence is in pieces and in disrepair. There are vines growing in it and rust is everywhere. I'm not sure how long this thing has been there. 10 years? 50 years? Who knows. It sure does have a lot of character. It is topped by fleur de lis of various colors and varying conditions. Some are bent, some are missing, some look fairly new, and some are broken. But through all this I can picture how it must have looked when it was first installed in the earth on where it stands. I would venture to say that someone was very proud of this fence at one time. Maybe more than just one "someone". I'm not sure how much time and effort goes into making an iron fence, but nevertheless what was a shiny new fence that stood watch over what was probably a majestic home, now stands in ruins. The fence is still beautiful in its own way, watching over grass, clovers, and an abandoned cement slab. I spent about 30 minutes there walking from end to end. Thinking. Reflecting. Wondering. Questioning. I took a few pics and you can find them here on pages 5 and 6 of the gallery. I'm sure it's not going to be there forever so I'm glad I got to spend some time visiting. I only wish it could tell me some of its history before it becomes history itself. Oh, and when I saw all the cars lining up on the street behind me I thought I had become somewhat of a celebrity or I had ripped my pants right down the back for the world to see the tighty whiteys. Turns out they were waiting to pick up their kids from the school around the corner. Oh well, so much for thinking...

How about them Saints??!! I was a little worried about the game against the Patriots. I hope now they get the national respect they deserve. They just flat out dominated. Congratulations guys. Now if we can PLEASE make it to the Superbowl?? How awesome would that be?? Wow.

Another great quote: "Only those who are asleep make no mistakes". Now as much as I like that, there are a couple of mistakes than can be made while you are asleep:

- Driving off the road

- Forgetting to open the drain in the tub to let the water out

- Running over your foot with the lawnmower

- Peeing in the bed

- Kicking your better half where it hurts

- Elbowing your better half in the eye

- Elbowing yourself in the eye

- Slobbering on your pillow then sticking your ear in it

- The inability to run when your friend says "Hey ya'll watch this"

- Having your boss walk up behind you before you get your head off the keyboard

- Letting the grease on the stove get so hot it catches fire (sorry about that mom and dad I hope the medical bills for my burns weren't THAT bad and I learned my lesson)